Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Most Embarrassing Moment of My Life/How to Get Rid of a Salesman

Before I get to my post, I just want to thank everyone for checking out my blog, posting comments, and sharing on facebook. Already it's had more views than I ever thought it would. And this is what, my fourth post? I'm so glad that there are others who find my humor, well, humorous. So anyway, thanks.

I will now relate "The Most Embarrassing Moment of My Life" (or at least my most embarrassing moment in the last ten years) aka "How to Get Rid of a Salesman."

Last Thursday, at approximately 6:30 pm I was sitting on the couch nursing Lyla. The doorbell rang, and John excitedly ran to the door. I was expecting it to be Hubs coming home from work.

"John, will you look out the window and see if it's Daddy?" I asked.
He peered out the front window. "Yep, it's Daddy." he said and opened the door, just as Lyla broke off from eating, exposing my --

Well . . . you know.

The door opened and there stood a Comcast guy. "Uh, that's not Dad." I brilliantly noted.

Now, the front door is in perfect view of the couch I'm sitting at. I could see him, and he could see me.

ALL of me.

I tried to use Lyla as a human shield (I don't know why I didn't just pull my shirt down) as Comcast Guy hands John a paper and says, "Give this to your mom. Sorry ma'am." and runs away in record time.


Who would have thought all I had to do was flash the salesman to get them to leave? You would think doing that would make them stay. I guess I'm not as young as I used to be, so this might not work with young ladies. But, if anyone is willing to give it a try, I'd love to hear how it turns out.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Who Wears Short Shorts?

Rosie and John are taking swimming lessons. At their class, I noticed a strange new trend in the swimming trunks of their male instructors. They are a little more than a Speedo, a lot less than board shorts, and show pretty much the whole thigh. If you need a visual, click here. (If it makes you feel better, it's just a picture of the shorts, no one is wearing them.)

I was feeling a bit embarrassed, making sure I looked up at the teachers, and almost started giggling at the ridiculousness (spelled right of the first try) of these itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny shorts. I began to have a conversation with myself.

Brittany: Hey Brittany, those shorts are pretty short.
Brittany: Yes, yes they are.
Brittany: Do you think it's a new trend?
Brittany: I certainly hope not. Maybe it's just for hard core swimmers.
Brittany: They are pretty ridiculous.
Brittany: I know! Could you imagine someone we know actually wearing those?
Brittany: Hey, (chuckles) could you imagine Hubs in those shorts?
Brittany: (laughing) Yeah, that would be hilar-


I pictured it. 

And it was hot. 

Now, I think everyone who reads this knows my husband, but in case you don't, let me describe him for you. He's 6'3'' and weighs about 150 lbs. I drew an awesome picture so you can visualize how skinny he is. Prepare to be amazed by my art skills.

I know, I know. You are blown away by my talent. Here is Hubs in the shorts, and remember ladies, he's taken.

Now I just need to think of the least awkward way to ask Rosie's teacher where he got his shorts.