Puppy

First of all, I need to say thanks to everyone who has read the blog so far. I already have more page views than I thought I would, like ever. I even have TWO followers! (Yes I am serious about my excitement.) I hope you've come back for more (obviously you have, or you wouldn't be reading this). I also need to thank Hubs for referring his hundreds of Facebook friends here, I'm pretty sure that's where most of my hits came from. Thanks Hubs, mwah!

Now, without further adieu, I give you . . . "Puppy."

My family (meaning Hubs and my oldest two kids. The baby can't speak yet, but she'd probably be in on this too) want to get a puppy. They promise to feed, play, walk, get up with it in the night, and clean up after it.

About two years ago, Hubs and the two oldest (still working on code names) were begging me for a baby. They promised they would help feed, play, walk, get up with it in the night, and clean up after it. Sound familiar?

Well, I thought with all that help, adding a baby to our family would be a breeze. So, I was a good wife mother and gave them a baby. At first they all wanted to hold, play, clean, walk, and take care of her. But, the novelty wore off, and almost a year later, who is doing 99% of the work? Do I really need to answer that question? 

IT'S ME! ME!!!

Then it dawned on me one day, when Hubs was mentioning an ad he saw for free puppies, that we don't need a dog. Because basically we already have one.

Our baby is just like a puppy!

Now hear me out before you send me angry comments, or report me to CPS. 

1.Baby crawls on all fours.

2. Baby slobbers all over everything.

3. Baby chews on the furniture.

4. When she kisses you, she licks you.

5. She eats scraps off the floor.

6. She bites.

7. We can take her for walks.

8. When Hubs comes home she runs (crawls quickly) to the front door and jumps (pulls herself) up on him.

9. Somehow, she always ends up sleeping in our bed.

I really tried to think of one more, so it could be an even ten for you, Adrian Monk. Unfortunately, I couldn't. As you can see, we really don't need a dog, because basically we already do. So, the next time someone begs me for a puppy, I'm going to slap a collar on Baby, and have them take her for a walk.

Oh, I thought of number 10. She likes to fetch! 

Welcome Welcome!

Hello. Welcome to the {Insert Inventive Title Here} Blog!

When trying to think of a “creative” name for this blog, I had an epiphany. I'll just call it the {Insert Creative Title Here Blog}! Because I am so creative and original!

Apparently not. Because that name was already taken. As was {Insert Awesome Title} and {Insert Clever Title}.

So then I pondered, what is a synonym for creative? After deep thought and deliberation (aka a thesaurus check) I decided it would be much more clever to call my blog {Insert Inventive Title Here}. Because being inventive is so much better than being creative!

So, I am starting a blog here. It is supposed to be a humorous blog, the only problem is, I'm not funny, but hopefully this will be. As Forrest Gump (didn't) say, “I am not a funny man. But I know what humor is.” (Okay, make incorrect quote from a '90's movie. Check! This blog is off to an awesome start). Hubs (code name for my husband until if/when I think of something more awesome) is a stand up comedian.

No. No he's not.

But, he is like the mushroom that walked into a bar, and the bartender said, 'We don't serve your kind here.' then the mushroom replied, 'Why not? I'm a fungi?' So yes, my husband is a 'fun guy', no he's not a fungus, because I know you needed an explanation.

Anyway. . . perhaps some of his hilarity will rub off on me, or at least this blog, after he rewrites looks it over. The stories I tell will be true albeit perhaps slight exaggerations. And my children are like, superheros, so they need secret identities. Okay, I just don't like the idea of anyone with internet access being able to see pictures of my kids, so there will be none of those. And I'll be creating pseudonyms for them for further protection, because I am a paranoid parent, and because they are so adorable and amazing the mere mention of their names will cause you to track me down and abduct them right out of their beds while they sleep.

Now, what are my hopes, dreams, and aspirations for this blog. I hope to make you laugh, or at least smile. You being the reader, whomever you are. Whoever? When do you use whom? What was I talking about . . . ?

I hope you will share this with your friends, your family, your co-workers, perfect strangers (Hey Chick-fil-a cashier, you should read {Insert Inventive Title} Blog!) and the blog will get many hits, and I'll be able to make some sweet, sweet moo-la. Or at least enough that I can quit my part-time job. My full-time job is being a mother. I am a child-care provider part-time. Actually, I am a babysitter. And I think I get paid less than thirteen-yea-old girls with the same job. What is the going rate for babysitters now-a-days?

So, I invite you to sit back, relax, and keep your hands and arms inside the ride at all times.

It probably will get bumpy. 

And stay tuned, my next post will be titled, “Puppy.” (leave the reader wanting more, Check!)